Holding on for Dear Life
by CadaverBlue
Summary: Post Unbearable fic. Sara is faced with the decision of what to do after she sees Grissom with Sophia. GSR Angst baby. Chapter SEVEN is up!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Holding on for Dear Life**

**Rating: Meh.**

**Spoilers: Although I am spoiled, it is hard time to time to actually _remember_ the spoilers. So if I do continue this fic it is going to be a nice 'stand alone' fic with little or no reference to future episodes.**

**Summary: Post Unbearable fic. There will be many of these, but I thought I would do my part. I think Sara is a beautifully flawed character and I'd just like this opportunity to play on that. GSR angst, cause that is always fun. **

**A/N: No Beta, it's kind of late and I'm missing Conan for this. All mistakes are mine. Did I mention that I hate Hophia? Ok just so everyone knows.**

* * *

"So where did you have in mind?" Sophia asked as she walked by the locker room where Sara was gathering her things. 

"Oh just this little diner on the strip." Grissom responded turning to smile at Sophia to his side.

Sara stuck her head outside the locker room and watched Grissom lead Sophia towards the Crime Lab's front doors. Hot tears weld in Sara's eyes and she turned back into the locker room she sat on the bench and a tear ran down her cheek. It finally seemed like she had an emotional connection with Grissom and now it's like the past few weeks never happened. She might has well not have told Grissom her most intimate thoughts and feelings because it was like he wasn't even listening. All the things left bottled up inside her she had shared with him, she trusted him. Now that trust was blown to pieces and all she could do was cry.

Sara's sobs echoed in the locker room and although she was alone, it sounded like there were a dozen women crying all around her, sharing her pain. So many emotions toyed with her that sometimes all she could do was cry because truthfully it was the only emotion that came natural to her. Sara's ears peaked up when she heard a familiar man's voice in the hallway.

"I just have to grab my keys." Grissom said to Sophia.

Sara quickly wiped her tears and stood up, gathering her things as fast as she could.

"I thought you went home." Grissom said, stopping the doorway.

Sara gasped and held her breath. She did not want to face Grissom right now, not because she didn't want to show him that he hurt her but because she didn't know what she could do to him. She sucked in a breath.

"You really should go home." Grissom said, opening his locker and fishing for his keys.

Sara slammed her locker shut, the sound of the metal echoing through the locker room and down the hallway. Sara's breathing became heavy and she turned around to Grissom, staring into his deep blue eyes with her own. She felt tears welding up and her throat turn try at the onset of words. She turned her face quickly from Grissom and turned towards the door when she was stopped by Grissom voice.

"Sara, what's wrong?" Grissom asked blindly.

She spun around and her cheeks were flushed with anger, her brown eyes torn right through him. Grissom's eyes widened at her sudden change of demeanor. She breathed heavily in and out, her chest heaving through her shirt.

"What's wrong?" Sara whispered.

"What's WRONG?" She repeated a little louder, approaching Grissom.

"YOU!" Sara screamed, tears running down her face.

"You are my problem. You have been my problem all along and yet only now I've come to know it." She pleaded.

Grissom stared at Sara confused. He didn't know what was going on in her head, somewhere inside he really didn't want to know and yet he had to know.

"God Grissom." She said, turning from him and sitting on the bench in front of him.

Grissom placed his hand on her shoulder and she quickly grabbed it with hers throwing it from its place.

"Don't touch me!" She hissed, turning up to Grissom, glaring.

"Don't touch me ever again!" Sara said through her tears, staring back at the floor. Her tear's of longing, pain and a new hatred she had for Grissom.

"Sara I have no idea what is wrong with you all of a sudden." Grissom said, fumbling with his keys in his pockets, showing no hint of emotion whatsoever.

"All of a sudden?" She said quietly.

"I'm surprised you noticed." She said.

"Or course I would have." He replied.

"That's funny. You never seemed to noticed me the other times that I've needed you." Sara said, looking back up at Grissom through tears.

"What about last week?" He asked desperately.

She rose up, her cheeks stained with tears and her eyes bloodshot.

"You're right Grissom. You were there. In MY apartment, listening to MY story, to MY feelings. You held my hand when I cried." Sara laughed. "And yet, your presence was fleeting and I am alone yet again."

Grissom stood staring at Sara, his mouth wide with confusion.

"Sara…."

"NO! GRISSOM! Don't try to talk to me like I am a child! I am NOT a child! And you should stop acting like one." She said, tears running down her cheeks.

"I don't want to hear it anymore Grissom. I held so much hope. So much hope for us. But now I can clearly see that we are growing perpetually apart." Sara sniffed; she couldn't look at Grissom any longer and tore her eyes from his stare.

"After I heard you…" Sara stopped herself for a second, breathing deeply. "I heard you talk to Dr. Laurie, I heard everything Grissom." She glanced at Grissom for a second, his eyes clearly glazed with fright. Sara moved her stare back down to the floor.

"After I heard your…confession. I was so hopeful, so dreadfully schoolgirl hopeful that any day after that you would come to me and tell me what you said in that room." Sara sighed. "But that day never came Grissom." She said looking back at him, their stare lasting for a few seconds. Grissom's eyes had welded with tears, tears of fright, of shame, of hatred.

"Now please, go, Sophia is waiting for you."

Grissom stepped back at Sara's comment, a lone tear running down his face. He wasn't one to show emotion and he knew that he never really cried. But Sara's heart was calling out and he couldn't reach for it, soothe it. He couldn't claim it as his own and that broke his heart, for now he feared that he never would be able to. Grissom walked in front of Sara and knelt down in front of her, grabbing her hands on her knees. She quickly grabbed them away like Grissom's hands were covered in thorns.

"Go," She pleaded.

"But Sara,"

"GO NOW!" She screamed, pushing him against the lockers.

Grissom rose from the floor and walked towards the door, turning back once before disappearing.

"She needs you." Sara whispered to herself before breaking down into tears once again.

**TBC (If it's well recieved)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Holding on for Dear Life**

**Rating: R for violence baby.**

**Spoilers: Nesting Dolls…But still it's hard to remember them anyways.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. If I did I would kick Grissom's arse.**

**Summary: Post Unbearable fic. There are many of these, but I thought I would do my part. I think Sara is a beautifully flawed character and I'd like this opportunity to play on that. GSR angst, cause that is always fun.**

**A/N: No beta, I can't seem to find one and keep one. If anyone is interesting in being a Beta, let me know. All mistakes are mine. Thank you guys SO much for all your kind, kind reviews. I admit I like Sara sad. I like her fighting her demons and her emotions and all the things that make her Sara. That's what makes her so beautiful. Did I mention that I love Sara? As for this chapter, I know you are going to HATE what happens, but it's all in the name of Geeklove. R and R.**

* * *

"What is it Gil?" Sophia said stepping next to Grissom as he stormed out of the Crime Lab into the parking lot. 

The cool air stung the dry streams of tears on his face. The thought of what just went on in the locker room had yet to sink in. Had he really done it, had he been the one to push Sara over the edge. The thought of what he had done made his head ache and his thoughts haze. He grabbed Sophia's arm suddenly as his balance faltered, his other hand rose to shield his eyes.

"Come on, let's sit you down." Sophia said, leading Grissom to a bench outside the Crime Lab. Grissom mumbled something as Sophia sat Grissom down and she took a seat next to him.

"Do you need anything?" Sophia asked as put one hand on Grissom's shoulder. He twitched at her sudden touch. He stared at the floor just like Sara had done in the locker room, except tears had failed to fall from his eyes.

"No." Grissom said blatantly.

"What happened in there?" Sophia said, looking at Grissom as his eyes rose from the ground and met with hers.

"Sara…" Grissom said, choking on his emotions before breaking his glance with Sophia.

"What did she do?" Sophia asked.

Sophia's question caught him off guard and he jerked his head up towards her, giving her a puzzled stare. It wasn't her fault, it was his fault and he knew it. He sighed and opened his mouth to speak when Sophia moved in and pushed her lips into his. His eyes grew wide with surprise as she reached up and put her hand on his neck, moving his head deeper into the kiss. He grabbed her hands and yanked them off as he pulled his lips quickly from hers, she resisted.

"Stop it!" He said glaring at her.

"What?" Sophia asked innocently.

Grissom opened his mouth to speak but the words got caught in his throat. He looked past Sophia and saw Sara standing by the Crime Lab door, her mouth open with fright and her eyes wet with tears. Sophia spun her head around to Sara and stared at her, like Sara was the intruder. Like Sara had no right to be there. Perhaps she didn't.

Sara bit her lip and held her tears back staring at Grissom with such a hurt in her eyes it tore at Grissom's heart. Before Grissom could say anything Sara ran to her car, the floodgates of tears starting once again. This time it seemed like they wouldn't stop until she was dead.

"Oh god!" Grissom whispered, throwing Sophia's arms down and running after Sara.

"SARA!" He yelled running up after her.

Grissom thought it couldn't get any worse, he was so unbelievably wrong. Sara suddenly didn't know where her car was, her mind was in a haze of confusion and hate and urges. She stopped running and looked around frantically looking for her car, one hand wiping streaming tears and another searching for her keys. She didn't hear Grissom's cries and she didn't hear when he ran up next to her.

"Sara, it's not what you think." He said frantically.

She did not respond and kept walking, faster.

"Sara! Please!" Grissom pleaded.

Sara spotted her car and walked towards it, ignoring Grissom's pleas. Anger bubbled insider her and she tried to ignore it. She felt it rise from the deepest parts of her body through her veins, her stomach and rose as bile in her throat. Reaching her car she tore out her keys and jammed them in the lock, trying to turn it but realizing that her hands were shaking and preventing her from doing so.

"Sara please." Grissom whispered grabbing her shoulders and turning her around. Her stare tore at him and he gasped at the horrible face looking back at him, that wasn't his Sara.

"I told you not to touch me!" She snapped, turning back around and fiddling with the lock.

"No! I need stress to you that it was not what you think." Grissom said, spinning her back around and increasing his grip.

Sara laughed mockingly through her tears.

"Not what I think huh? So you weren't kissing that whore then?" Sara snapped.

Grissom tightened his grip.

"Please Sara, she kissed me, I didn't kiss her back."

"You're hurting me Grissom, and not in ways you think." Sara said, turning her glance down to his hand on her shoulder.

"Please let go of me." She whimpered, staring deep into his eyes.

"Not until you tell me you understand." He responded.

"Grissom…" she whispered.

"Sara…" He said, taking one hand from her shoulder and brushingthe tears on her cheek.

Sara smiled at Grissom and he smiled back. Then her smile turned into a look of hatred, her lips pursed and her nostrils flared.

"I said" she began softly,"…GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" She yelled throwing Grissom's hands off of her, not realizing the strength she had.

Grissom gasped and lost his footing and fell back onto the hard pavement with a loud thud. Sara dropped her keys and reached for her holster and brandished her gun at Grissom, the sound of the metal echoing through the silent parking lot. His mouth flew open in shock.

As he stared down the barrel of Sara's gun he couldn't help but think of Ecklie's comment just a week ago. _She's a loose cannon with a gun_.

"Stay away from me." Sara said, tears streaming down her face as she pointed the gun at Grissom, her handsshaking."Just stay away." She said, climbing into her car.

"You have hurt me too much Grissom." Sara said before starting her engine.

"I don't want to hurt anymore." She said, smiling strangely before backing up and driving off, her tires screeching.

Grissom struggled to get up; he saw Sophia in the distance and gave her a glance. The only presence of Sara left was the smell of burnt rubber, and Grissom snickered. Getting up he dusted dirt from his coat and walked towards the approaching Sophia.

"No dinner tonight, I'm going home." He said.

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Grissom said, putting his hand up between them and disappearing between a row of cars.

His mind couldn't fathom what just went on, and in a way he didn't. Sara drew her gun, drew her gun in his face. Only he could have made her done that, he was pushing to hard to make her better. He wanted to wipe the look of fear and uncertainty from her face, the fear of being alone, of not knowing what is going on in your body. He tried to believe that Sara had no control of the emotions surging through her veins. That when her emotions took her prisoner she could not escape, that she was held hostage. If only he could rescue her.

**TBC**

* * *

**I hated writing that, but it had to be done. Forgive me, please don't flame me. Sophia will get hers.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Rating: PG**

**Disclaimer: You all know the drill.**

**Summary: Blah blah blah GSR, oh and a little Sara/Greg friendship.**

**A/N: No Beta, Meh. All mistakes are mine. Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews! You make me want to write, which is a good thing. Thanks for not flaming me after that horribly agonizing last chapter. This might be the last of regular updates. I've been spoiling you guys with updates for three straight days! I might get a new chapter up Monday or Tuesday night. So enjoy! R and R if you want to live.**

* * *

_"Nothing's lost forever. In this world, there's a kind of painful progress. Longing for what we've left behind, and dreaming ahead. At least I think that's so."_

_–Harper Pitt, Angels in America._

* * *

Sara sped home, winding between cars on the busy streets. At this point she didn't care if she got pulled over, she didn't care if she got into an accident, she didn't care about anything. She just wanted to get home. Tears still fell from her eyes, but they came slower this time. Her chest heaved up and down and she found it hard to breath. She turned suddenly into her parking lot and a few cars honked their horns at her, she didn't hear them. Sighing as she turned off the engine, Sara rested her head on the steering wheel before getting out of the car. 

The walk up to her second floor apartment seemed endless and her body ached. She reached in her purse for her keys and struggled to open her door, her hands were still shaking. Sara pushed her door open and a gust of cool wind blew, she shivered. Her apartment was dark except for the dull light coming from the rising sun. She threw her purse on the couch and unhooked her gun from her belt. She stared at it for a few seconds, remembering just minutes before and threw it down with her purse.

She scanned her living room and stopped when her eyes spied a healthy green plant sitting on her kitchen counter. Her hands formed a fist and her blood filled with rage, her eyes with tears. She screamed as she paced over to it and threw the plant from its place, her hands flying threw the air and the plant flying with them. The sound of shattering plaster and flying dirt echoed through her apartment and she collapsed on the floor with silent sobs.

"Why…" she mumbled between tears.

"Why…" she said again staring at the scattered dirt and plant on her carpet.

There on the floor Sara slipped in and out of consciousness, getting whatever sleep she could. Her body was exhausted from the tremendous emotion that it had ensued and she needed to sleep.

A few hours later Sara gasped as she awoke suddenly from her sleep. She breathed heavily as she looked at the orange glow of the sunset in the confines of her apartment. Looking at the clock on the wall she sighed, it was almost time to get to the lab. She braced the wall as she rose, turning around and reaching for the phone. She dialed the lab.

"This is Sara Sidle." Sara paused.

"I'm afraid I won't be coming into work today."

"Can you please let the appropriate people know…"

"Thank you."

Sara hung up. She couldn't even bear to say his name. Tell Grissom I'm not coming in. Tell him that I am in my depressing apartment with my pitiful self. Sitting here, alone.

"That's what he would want to hear." Sara said to herself.

* * *

"Dr. Grissom!" the receptionist yelled. 

Grissom whipped around to find the redhead receptionist smiling at him.

"Sara Sidle called in just a few minutes ago…." She started.

His heart sank at the sound of her name.

"She won't be coming into work tonight."

He didn't have to ask why.

"Thanks." He said before he wandered his way to his office.

He didn't think he could have handled Sara being here. Grissom did not even think he could handle Sophia tonight. He slipped unnoticed into his office and shut the door. His mind was still in a haze and he tried his best to stay focused on Sara. Today was going to be a long dragged out day full of questions and void of answers. Grissom's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," Grissom said rubbing his sore shoulder.

"Good evening." Sophia said waltzing in.

"How are we tonight?" She asked, seemingly ignoring what went on last night.

Grissom groaned.

"I'm fine. You?"

"Never been better." Sophia said with a smirk and a tilt of her head.

"Can you give me a few minutes?" Grissom asked.

"Sure thing…boss." She winked and closed to door behind her as she exited Grissom's office.

Grissom took of his glasses and rubbed his eyes. All he wanted to do was go to Sara's house, breakdown her door and make her understand. But the last time he tried to make her understand he got a gun in his face, he knew that it was too soon. He didn't know what was going on with his body just like Sara, he wanted to tell Sara that he longed for her, that he ached for her. But that was too much for him to even admit to himself.

* * *

Sara's attention was shattered by a knock on the door. She put her Forensic Journal down and walked slowly to the door, her stomach inching higher and higher into her throat at each step. She looked in the peephole and breathed a sigh of relief. She opened the door to find Greg in her doorway holding a Styrofoam container and a package of crackers. She smiled. 

"I brought you some soup." He said.

"Who said I was sick?"

"Grissom said you wouldn't be coming in tonight so I just figured." He said.

Her eyes welded up with tears at his name.

"How did you find out where I live?" Sara laughed, trying to shake off the tears.

Greg shrugged.

"Are you going to invite me in or shall you consume this soup in your doorway?"

"No of course, come in." Sara said, leading Greg into her apartment.

"So what's up?" He asked handing the soup to Sara.

"Nothing much." She said, putting the soup on the counter.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the lab?" Sara asked.

"It's lunch time on a slow case day." He responded with a smile.

Greg looked around Sara's apartment, something any person does when they are in a new surrounding. His eyes caught sight of the broken plant pot on the floor, brown soil surrounding it. Every time Sara had gone to clean it up she couldn't bring herself to pick up the pieces without breaking down. The broken pieces were all that were left of her shattered life. Greg glanced at Sara with a raised brow; her face was turned to the floor.

"What happened?"

"It fell." Sara said childlike.

"Across the room?" He asked questioningly.

"Yeah." Sara mumbled under her breath.

"What really is going on here?" Greg asked firmly.

"It's nothing." Sara said, turning around to grab the dustpan and broom.

Greg walked in front of Sara as she walked towards the broken pot on the floor. He grabbed the broom from her hands and threw it on the floor.

"Sara, please, what is going on?" Greg pleaded.

She fought back the tears that threatened and looked at Greg. He gave her a loving smile, something she always expected from Greg. She felt a lone tear fall down her cheek and trace a path down her neck and onto her shirt.

"It's ok Sara, you can tell me. I'm your friend." He said lovingly, taking Sara's trembling hand. He pulled Sara into an embrace and she sobbed quietly into his shoulder.

"Oh god Greg, I love him so much." She cried out.

"Oh god. My heart aches for him." She wept, her sobs turning into convulsions as her emotions took hold of her yet again.

Greg squeezed her tighter and laid his head on hers. He stroked her hair to calm her.

"Shhh…it's going to be ok." Greg reassured her.

Her sobs quieted and she rose from his shoulder, eyes red and cheeks wet.

"It's going to be ok." Greg said again.

Sara smiled weakly.

"I need to lie down," she said, stumbling to the couch.

"Ok take it easy," he said, leading her to the couch.

"Sara," he said, holding her trembling hand and wiping the tears from her face. "I'm here for you. I've got your back, just like you had mine." He smiled.

Sara smiled and nodded as she sat back on the couch. She closed her eyes and let sleep overcome her, drowning away her tears for now. Greg watched as she slipped into sleep and pulled a blanket from the love seat to lie on her. He dreaded seeing Sara so beat up, first her outburst at Ecklie, something involving Grissom and another secret that he knew she was keeping from him. Whether hehad the right to know ornot, that wasn't clear.She was falling out of his grasp and everyone else's; she was falling apart.

Greg sighed as he got up and grabbed the broom and dustpan. He carefully brushed each pottery fragment into the dustpan. The once whole pottery now small pieces that could never be mended. Tiny wounds that can never be healed. The broken pieces were all that were left of her shattered life.

**TBC :sobs:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Rating: PG**

**Disclaimer: Don't own CSI.**

**Spoilers: Nesting Dolls.**

**A/N: Thanks to Heathie for helping me organize my thoughts. Thanks again to all of your kind reviews, they really make me feel like I am actually writing not only for myself but for someone. I probably sound lame. R and R and tell me what you think.**

* * *

_"Sometimes we are all alone  
Realize the things we've done  
you and I both know  
we've been hurt before but we'll pay the price once more"_

_-Price of Love, song by Client_

* * *

"So how long has it been since the incident?" Dr. Destler asked. 

Sara sighed.

"About a week."

"How have you been feeling this past week?"

"Pretty rundown. I finally stopped crying ever second."

"Well that is improvement."

"A friend from the lab has been visiting me. So that has been really good."

The therapist in front of her wrote something down on her pad of paper. Sara hated being questioned; even worse, she hated being questioned about personal things. It had been one week since she pulled her gun on Grissom. She didn't have any contact with the lab, except for Greg, who had told Grissom that she wouldn't be returning for a week. Greg, being the sweetheart that he was, would come by her apartment after his shift. He would sit and talk to her, eat with her, interact with her. For this, Sara was eternally grateful to have Greg as a friend.

"You go back to work today?" The doctor asked.

"Yes, right after I'm done here." Sara said, rubbing her hands together nervously.

"Well you remember what we talked about?"

"Yes." Sara said shyly.

"You have to talk to him Sara."

"I know." Sara said, fighting back tears.

"I mentioned this during the last session, but you should do something to channel your anger. Take up writing or art or something you can do to release your anger."

Sara sighed and looked at the doctor.

"If you don't, these feelings and urges are just going to get worse."

* * *

"Hey Grissom!" Nick called out. 

Grissom spun around in the hallway to come face to face with Nick and his schoolboy smile. He balanced the files in his arms so he wouldn't drop them.

"Yeah Nick?"

"Sara is coming back today right?"

"She should be here any time."

"Good, it's been quiet around here without her." Nick said before passing by Grissom and walking into the break room where Warrick and Greg were sitting. Grissom opened the door to his office and jumped back when Sophia greeted him.

"Um…Good evening." He said, startled.

"Same to you." Sophia said from a chair in front of his desk.

"So Sidle is coming back tonight huh?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Are you going to talk to her?"

"Does it really matter?" Grissom snapped.

"Well yeah, I don't want her doing something stupid like pulling her gun on you again."

Grissom threw the files that were in his hand on his desk.

"Get out of my office."

Sophia shot Grissom a look of shock.

"You'll miss me when I'm gone." Sophia said as she walked out of Grissom's office.

"I doubt that." Grissom mumbled under his breath.

* * *

"Sara my girl!" Warrick called out as Sara entered the break room. Sara smiled weakly as Warrick rose up to embrace her. 

"Hey there." Sara said as Warrick squeezed her tight.

"We definitely missed you." Nick said.

Truthfully, Sara didn't miss them, she didn't miss the lab and she tried to make herself believe that she didn't miss Grissom. Greg smiled at her and pulled her into a hug.

"Just breathe." Greg whispered into her ear.

Sara smiled and walked over to the coffee pot, pouring herself some coffee. She took a deep breath and waiting for Grissom to come into the break room. Sitting next to Greg she knew that Grissom would put her on a case with him. Just so he could watch out for her, try to reason with her.

Sara stirred her coffee nervously until Grissom came in. She didn't look up but she knew he was there when the room grew silent. A wave of awkwardness rushed through the room and Sara shivered. Although the CSI's weren't aware of what happened a week ago, sans Greg, they still felt the discomfort; they just couldn't put their finger on the source of it.

"Good Evening everyone." Grissom said, looking at Sara who had her face buried towards the ground.

"Welcome back…Sara." Grissom stumbled out.

Sara raised her head slowly and nodded at Grissom, quickly putting it back down. Greg reached under the table and squeezed her hand. She turned and smiled at him.

"Um…" Grissom started.

"Warrick and Nick, you've got a 419 at the Tangiers."

They nodded.

"Greg and…Sara" Grissom hesitated, staring at his files. "We've got a DB at a residence in Henderson."

"And Sophia?" Nick asked.

"She's finishing up a few things here, she'll be around if we need her." Grissom said, handing the case files to Nick.

"So, let's get this party started." Greg said, getting up.

Sara opted to ride with Greg to Henderson. She knew she couldn't last three seconds in the same car with Grissom, let alone the same room. I'm sure he felt the same way, Sara was sure of it.

"So how did your session go today?" Greg asked, following Grissom to the scene.

"It was ok. I didn't cry this time." Sara laughed.

Greg smiled at her. She sighed.

"It's going to be a long day." She said, looking out her window.

"You'll be fine." Greg said, following Grissom, as he pulled up to a white upscale home.

Sara watched as Grissom left his car and walked up to Brass. They said something to each other and Grissom looked at Sara and she quickly looked away. She climbed out of the car and followed Greg to the back for their kits. She huffed as she lifted one, over the past week forgetting how heavy it could actually be.

"What have we got Captain?" Asked Sara as she approached Grissom and Brass.

"Eager to start huh?" Brass snickered.

Sara gave him a playful glare.

"The victim is 36 year old Henry Troy, supposedly 'found' in the bedroom by his wife Linda."

Brass turned and instructed them to follow him into the house. Sara followed behind the others, observing the perimeter and the cops talking. Her eyes caught sign of a cop who was bending over into the bushes, obviously ditching his dinner into the family's ferns. She stopped and stared. Her mind blocking out memories, her mind generating new ones.

"You coming Sara?" Greg said.

She snapped out of her trance.

"Um. Yeah. Right behind you." She said walking into the house.

She followed Greg closely; she instinctively knew that this was going to be hard. Brass lead them into the bedroom where the victim was lying on the bed. His chest ravaged with stab marks and his crimson blood all over the sheets. Sara collapsed against the wall at the scene. She clawed at the wall to keep her balance. Her nostrils filled with a too familiar smell. Iron. Her chest heaved in and out as her breathing quickened. Sara grabbed her chest in pain, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. She heard Grissom say something about cast off. Cast off. Cast off on the walls. Red blood drops. Blood.

"Oh god." She whispered to herself. She reached out for someone, her vision clouded and her head spun; she felt her long legs wobble underneath her. She opened her mouth to speak, to call out for anyone but all that came out was dry heaves of sound.

"Greg," She tried with all her might to muster out before dropping her kit on the floor, which prompted the men in the room to turn suddenly in her direction. Sara's eyes rolled back in her head and she slid down the wall, taking a few picture frames with her

"Sara!" Grissom cried out.

"Oh god, Sara can you hear me!"

"Someone get a medic!"Grissom cried out frantically.

**TBC Cliffhangers are evil. Buahaha**


	5. Chapter 5

**Rating: R for some language.**

**Spoilers: Nesting Dolls**

**A/N: Thanks to Lohan for letting me bounce ideas off of her. Thank you all for the kind reviews! It might seem like Greg and Grissom fighting is a little OOC, but just bear with me. They are just overprotective of their widdle Sara-poo. Hehe. I am probably one of the few that loved 'King Baby' last night and I did feel a little bad for Sophia, but I'll try not to let it affect her character in my story. Never EVER trust a Spork with an agenda. Oh FYI, incase you haven't realized, I'm an angst whore. I realized I have been spelling Sofia's name wrong this whole time, oh well I'm not gonna change it now.**

* * *

"Sara!" Grissom cried out to her, lying in the passenger seat of his SUV.

"Sara, wake up, you're out of the house. Everything is fine."

"She's not responding!" Grissom yelled out to anyone who would listen.

Sara heard Grissom's voice in the distance. The low hum of activity around her made her mind race. She tried to open her eyes or move or do anything to respond to Grissom's pleas but she couldn't. She was frozen, her body refused. She heard the voices of Greg and Brass, their voices loud and brash, as if they were arguing about something. A sudden evening wind blew through the car and her body shivered. She felt her eyelashes flutter with the breeze.

"Sara?" Grissom said softly, brushing his fingers along her cheek.

"Come on sweetie."

"Grissom!" Greg shouted. Grissom stood up from the car and turned towards Greg who came storming towards him.

"You know what was in that house!" Greg said, getting uncomfortably close to Grissom.

"Greg calm down."

"You did this to her! You send her into that house when you knew what was in there!"

"Greg listen, I didn't know…"

"Grissom?" Sara said faintly behind the arguing men.

Greg and Grissom spun around to see Sara sitting up in the car, staring at them puzzled. They both ran to her side, bending down in front of her. Sara grabbed her head with her hand and moaned. Her head was throbbing and her mind raced with images of the crime scene. Grissom and Greg stood in front of Sara, not really knowing what to say or do.

"What are you staring at?" Sara snapped.

"I'm worried about you Sara." Greg whispered.

"_We're_ worried about you." Grissom interjected, throwing Greg a glare.

"You should go home." Greg said.

"I'm fine!" shouted Sara, still coving her face with her hand.

"You just had an anxiety attack; I don't think you're fine." Grissom said.

"How the hell do you know what I am and what I am not?" Sara snapped.

"You think you know me. You think you get under my skin, well not anymore Grissom. You never knew me and when I opened up to you on that dreaded night and you didn't know me then either. I'm tired of reliving the past."

Sara struggled to climb down from the car. Greg brushed by a speechless Grissom and grabbed her arm helping her out of the car.

"I just want to get out of this car, out of his sight." She whispered.

Greg walked Sara back to his truck and helped her into the passenger seat. They drove off down the house lined street and out of sight. Grissom stood staring for what seemed like everlasting seconds before grabbing his cell phone and dialing Sophia's number.

"I need you at the scene."

"I'm down two CSI's. I'll explain later just come as soon as possible."

"Thanks."

Grissom closed his phone and sighed. He wanted to help Sara but she wouldn't listen to him. He wanted to protect her and yet she ignores his pleas. Sara was falling farther and farther from his grasp and it made him uneasy. Grissom waiting in his car until Sophia drive up and flagged him down.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Sara had an incident and Greg left with her."

"They left you here at the scene to process it yourself?" She asked.

"Yeah. That's why I called you." Grissom smiled.

"Why not Catherine?" Sophia asked, following Grissom up to the house.

"She had the day off, I took her CSI's tonight. So you were the only one to call."

Sophia smiled and walked into the house. Grissom led her into the bedroom where Sara's kit was still on the ground with the fallen picture frames.

"So what happened in here?" Sophia asked, placing her kit on the floor and putting on some gloves.

"Husband murdered, the wife found him. She's out there with the daughter." Grissom said, pointing to a woman and child on the couch surrounded by police.

"Are we treating the mother as a suspect?" Sophia asked, pulling out her camera and taking pictures of the blood on the wall and the surrounding sheets.

"Yeah, we have too. We have no other suspects."

"So what happened with Sara?" Sophia asked without lifting her head.

"She uh…couldn't take the scene."

"I'm sure she's seen worse Gil."

"Well this one was different." Grissom said hesitantly.

"How?" Sophia said, now looking up at Grissom.

Grissom sighed.

"It was similar to…um…" Grissom stumbled.

"Sara's mother killed her father at a young age and it effected her and well, this is the exact scene incarnate."

Sophia gave a puzzled look to Grissom.

"Well, I'm sure she would like you telling me that." She said sarcastically.

"Let's just finish up please." He said sternly.

"I'll go talk to the mother."

Grissom nodded and took samples of the blood.

* * *

Greg looked at Sara in the passenger seat; she was silent and staring out the window. He was worried about her but at the same time he was angry at Grissom for letting her go in that house when he knew what was in there.

"Are we going back to the lab?" Greg asked.

"Not this second." Sara responded after several seconds of silence.

"Where would you like to go?"

"Anywhere but there." Sara said, smiling at Greg.

* * *

"Mrs. Troy?" Sophia said walking up to the woman on the couch.

She looked up with wet eyes and red cheeks, her arm around her daughter tightly.

"Hi, I'm Sophia Curtis with the crime lab. I'd like to ask you a few questions."

Mrs. Troy nodded.

"Go to the kitchen Julia while mommy talks to this lady."

The little girl hugged her mom and ran off into the kitchen. Sophia smiled.

"She's sweet."

"Yeah." Whispered Mrs. Troy, wiping away tears.

"So you found your husband?"

"Yes."

"When did you come home and find him?"

"Around 6:30. I had talked to him earlier that day and he was fine, he had picked up Julia from school and come home. Gosh there was blood everywhere." Mrs. Troy sobbed quietly.

Sophia noticed that there was no blood on Mrs. Troy or on her daughter; they must have changed their clothes after finding Mr. Troy.

"Do you think I could have the clothes you were in when you found your husband?"

"Um yeah. I have to go get them from the laundry room.

"That's fine, this officer will escort you." Sophia said.

"I'm done in there." Grissom said, walking up behind Sophia.

"David is coming for the body and we'll take the sheets for any evidence."

"I'm getting the clothes that the mother and the daughter were in when they found Mr. Troy."

"Good, we'll take it back to the lab and work from there." Grissom said, pointing David to the bedroom as he walked through the door.

* * *

"This is weird." Sophia said, lying out the clothes in the layout room.

"There is no blood on the mother's clothes, and yet she claimed to have found her husband."

Grissom looked up from the crime scene pictures and looked at Sophia.

"And the daughters?" He asked.

She gave him a smirk and held up the daughter's t-shirt. There were large crimson stains on the front. Grissom tilted his head and stared at the pink t-shirt.

"That's weird."

"Not unless the mother gave us bogus clothes." Sophia said, lying the shirt back down.

"Or the daughter killed her father."

"Makes me wonder about Sara." Sophia said, laughing.

Grissom shook his head. He knew he shouldn't have said anything and now he was beginning to regret trusting that woman with anything.

"What did you just say?" Sara snapped at the doorway.

Sophia and Grissom spun around to stare at Sara who was obviously angry. Sara walked over to were Sophia stood and stared her down.

"What the HELL did you just say!" Sara demanded.

"I just ah said…that I…ah." Sophia stumbled over her words.

Sara shot a look at Grissom.

"I trusted you." Sara said, tears in her eyes, anger in her voice.

"I trusted you with my life! With my past! And what do you do Grissom?"

"You tell his whore everything!" Sara screamed.

"I…" Grissom started.

"There is no use saving yourself!" Sara said!

"You really fucked this up Grissom."

"And for your information." Sara said, returning her glance towards Sophia.

"You have no right to assume anything about me. My past is my business. You have no right at all to engage, even if traitors like you, " Sara pointed a finger at Grissom, "Tell you everything I wished to stay quiet."

"You are out of control Sara!" Sophia shouted.

"First the parking lot and now this. You need to calm down." Sophia pleaded.

"You have no idea." Sara said walking up to Sophia.

Sara stared right into Sophia's eyes and didn't' flinch for one second. She almost forgot that Grissom was staring at them, his eyes wide.

"Grissom doesn't love you." Sophia said, starkly.

A lone tear ran down Sara's face and she felt her arm rise up and slap Sophia across the cheek. The sound of a hand on flesh echoing throughout the layout room and down the hallways. Grissom gasped along with other on lookers that had gathered outside. Sophia's hand flew up to her cheek and her mouth dropped in horror. Sara turned and ran out of the room and down the hallway, pushing people out of the way. Her legs moved in slow motion, the world moved fast under her feet and she felt like she would fall. She turned the corner and ran right into Greg.

"Sara what's wrong!" he called out.

"Greg, move…I have to go." Sara said, running past him and into the woman's bathroom.

She ran into a stall and dropped to the floor in front of a toilet and vomited in the porcelain bowl. Her anger and her sadness now resulting in sickness, her body just couldn't take it anymore. The sound of her sobs and convulsions echoed in the tiny bathroom. She sobbed into her hands, lying on the floor rocking back and forth.

"Sara?" Greg called into the bathroom.

"Sara!" Greg exclaimed as he rushed to the side of Sara, scooping her into his hands.

"Oh gosh Sara, I'm so sorry." Greg said rocking her back and forth. She sobbed silently into his arm, something that she was all too familiar with. There they sat on the floor of the woman's bathroom, holding each other.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Sara cried.

"I don't know anymore…"

* * *

Sophia glanced at the onlookers through the window.

"Get back to work!" She shouted.

Grissom stood in front of her in shock. Not knowing whether to run after Sara or stay here with Sophia. She dusted off her lab coat and turned back to the clothes in front of her, playing with them nervously.

"She's not herself." Grissom said.

"Well, she really did seem herself when she slapped me across the face." Sophia said mockingly.

Before Grissom could say anything their pages went off.

"We've got a body to attend to." Sophia said, walking towards the door.

"Sophia," Grissom pleaded. "Please she's not herself."

"Doc Robbins is ready for us." She said sternly before disappearing out the door and leaving Grissom to follow her.

He was lost. He had no earthy idea what to do. Sophia had turned this into something much more complicated and he knew that Sara would be reprimanded for her actions, instigated or not. He just wished that she wouldn't breakdown completely; he didn't want to lose her. But in the moments preceding, he realized he already had.

**TBC I hope you enjoyed this nice chunk of chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Rating: PG**

**Spoilers: No Humans and Nesting Dolls.**

**A/N: Thanks to DeeDee for her last minute beta job! This chapter is dedicated to Lohan and Heathie, my two 'go to gals' and my loyal reviewers. Thanks to everyone else for the reviews, you guys rock my socks! I think the story is winding to and end soon, but there might be an opening for a nice spin-off story. Tell me what you think…**

* * *

"Do you believe in reinvention? 

Do you believe that life is holding the clue?

Anyway to face the silence,

Any way to face the pain that kills you."

Syntax, Pride

* * *

"_Two weeks unpaid leave, pending review."_

The words stung Sara's ears and gave her a bitter taste in her mouth. She wasn't regretful for her actions but they did puzzle her. In some ways it felt liberating, but in other ways it put knots in the pit of her stomach. She knew that she had a good chance of losing her job, she was obviously replaceable and at this point she didn't have to wonder what Ecklie thought of her. She knew that before she could face the present, face being fired, she had to confront the demons of her past.

Booking a flight to San Francisco was probably the hardest thing she had done in a long time. Knowing that she was going back to her past, to her future, to her mother, made her sick to her stomach. It took her minutes just to dial the first number of the airlines. She knew that she needed to do this. To see her mother again and to take care of these feelings was the only way she could move on, and make things right.

* * *

"Gil!" Ecklie screamed down the hallway. 

"I need to see you in my office."

Grissom rolled his eyes and sighed, turning around and walking towards Ecklie's office.

"What is it Conrad?" Grissom asked, standing in Ecklie's doorway.

"Come in, close the door."

Grissom sat down in front of Ecklie and dreaded what was going to come out of his mouth.

"How is that Troy case going?"

"It's going." Grissom said dryly. "Sophia and I are close to an arrest."

"And who might that be?"

"The daughter."

Ecklie stared blankly at Grissom.

"How old is she?"

"Ten."

Ecklie shook his head. The last thing this lab needs to have damning evidence against a ten-year-old girl.

"What do you want Conrad?" Grissom snapped.

"I called you in here about Sidle's behavior."

Grissom sighed.

"As you know she was given two weeks of unpaid leave."

"Yes." Grissom responded.

"Now I know what I want to do, what do you think would be the appropriate action?" Ecklie asked Grissom.

"Well I know you want to fire her." Grissom said.

"Well I think that's appropriate action."

"But is it justified?" Grissom asked.

"Was Sara hitting Sophia in front of the whole lab justified Gil?"

"Sophia's comment was uncalled for." Grissom said.

"The point is Gil, like I said before, Sara is a lose cannon with a gun. She's out of control."

"You can't fire her." Grissom said sternly.

"No, but you can."

"Well I'm not going to fire her Conrad. I'm not going to do that to her. This lab is the only stable thing in her life right now and she's going through a tough period. If she gets fired who knows what she's going to do. I'm afraid that she'll do something stupid." Grissom hung his head.

"Like pull her gun on you." Ecklie said slyly.

Grissom shot a confused look at Ecklie.

"Sophia told me the whole story Gil. I should fire you from trying to keep it from me."

"Conrad…" Grissom started.

"Sara's case is going to the panel, don't expect a positive result."

Grissom shook his head.

"Do you still need her now Gil?"

Grissom thought for a moment. He knew that he wanted Sara at the lab, but did he _need_ her. He just wanted to make things right, he thought that by keeping Sara at the lab he could mend things. He thought that it would make her understand.

"This conversation is over." Grissom said, standing up and disappearing out the door.

Perhaps the lab isn't what Sara needed at all.

* * *

"I'm coming!" Sara screamed towards the excessive knocking coming from her front door. She whipped open the door to find Greg mid knock. 

"You're early." Sara said, smiling.

"I'm punctual." Greg said, returning her smile.

"Let me just grab a few more things then we can go."

"Okay take your time, I'm early." Greg laughed.

"Oh shut up." Sara said, disappearing into her bedroom.

"Okay, I'm ready." Sara said, emerging from her bedroom a few minutes later with two suitcases.

"Then lets get you on a plane." Greg said, grabbing her suitcases and leading Sara to the car.

The car ride was silent to the airport. Greg could tell that Sara was nervous. She hadn't seen her mother in over 10 years and now she was to face her head on like an on coming car. Her job was at risk, her life was as risk, and even her sanity was at risk. Letting her on a plane to go confront her past even made Greg uneasy. He told her that she could call him any time, day or night. He was there for her, and he didn't want to let her go.

* * *

"Evening Gil, ready to get to work on that case?" Sophia said, walking by Grissom as he was walking out of Ecklie's office. 

"Ummm…Yeah. Let me grab something."

Grissom slipped into his office and closed the door. He sat down at his desk and fumbled through the files on his desk, staring nervously at the phone. He knew she didn't want to talk to him, but he needed to hear her voice, make sure she was ok. Dialing her numbers seemed like they took forever, and when a sudden ring greeted him, he held his breath. Slowly he let his breath go with each new ring, knowing with each new ring she wasn't going to answer the phone. He gave up and slammed the phone on the receiver. With a sigh he grabbed the case file and made his way to the interrogation room where Sophia and Brass were waiting.

"Have a good day off?" He asked Catherine as he poked his head in the break room on his way.

"The best." She said before Grissom vanished out of sight.

"Hey Gil," Brass said as Grissom walked into the well-lit interrogation room.

"Where's Sophia?" Grissom asked, sitting next to him, fanning out the case file.

"She's with Mrs. Troy and Julia."

"Oh. Well when is she coming in here?" Grissom asked, slightly annoyed.

"Any minute." Brass said, strumming his fingers on the cool metal table.

Grissom and Brass's attention was turned suddenly to the opening door. They stood up and pointed Mrs. Troy to a seat across from her.

"Thank you for coming Mrs. Troy." Brass said.

"I know this is a troubling time."

"Yes, yes it is. Did you find out who did this to Henry?" She asked frantically.

"We might have a lead." Grissom said.

"And what is it?" Mrs. Troy demanded.

"Did you try to resuscitate your husband Mrs. Troy?"

"Well, I…I…I really don't remember. It all happened so quickly. I guess I tried, I did what anyone would do in that situation."

"These are pictures of the clothes you wore when you found your husband." Grissom said, sliding a picture to Mrs. Troy.

"And?"

"There is no blood on them. There would have been any kind of transfer blood if you tried to resuscitate your husband."

"So?" She said with an attitude.

"That means your lying to us Mrs. Troy." Brass said, staring at her.

* * *

"How are you today Julia?" Sophia asked the girl, who was sitting besides her coloring. 

"I'm fine." The little girl responded quietly.

"You are really brave." Sophia said, putting her hand over the girl's shoulder.

"I guess." The little girl said, continuing to color.

"Do you miss your dad?"

"No."

Sophia was a little taken back with the child's sudden response. She didn't' even think about it.

"Why don't you miss your dad?" Sophia said sweetly.

"Because he's a bad man."

"Why he is bad?"

"Because he did bad things to me." Julia said, lifting her eyes up to Sophia.

Sophia stared into the child's eyes, her eyes full of hate. Too much hate for a 10 year-old. Maybe this little girl killed her father after all. She wondered how it was going inside with Mrs. Troy. She lifted her head and glanced inside the window, Mrs. Troy was off her feet yelling something at Brass and Grissom. She came flying out of the door in a rage.

"Julia! Let's go!" Mrs. Troy said, grabbing her daughter's arm and practically yanking her from her seat.

"Mom!" Julia screamed.

Brass and Grissom came out and watched Mrs. Troy drag her daughter out of the lab.

"Well, that didn't go to well." Brass said dryly.

Grissom shot a 'you think?' look at Brass.

Sophia spun around to Brass and Grissom.

"We have a problem."

"What?" Grissom asked.

"The little girl claimed that her father 'did bad things to her'."

"I'll call social services." Brass said, digging in his coat pocket for his phone.

"We need to go back to that house." Grissom said. Sophia nodded.

* * *

The plane ride into San Francisco seemed like a plane ride to the other side of the world. It seemed like they were moving, they were just in limbo in the air. But that could have been Sara's reluctance to even get off the plane. She managed to get a few minutes of rest, the best sleep she's had in a while. She was jolted awake by the boisterous captain over the intercom, announcing landing. Stretching she glanced out of her window, the sun glistening off of the bay, she sighed. 

She felt relaxed and in control when she grabbed her luggage and when she hailed a cab. But when she mumbled her mother's address to the cab driver, it all hit her suddenly. She was going to see her mother. Her mother that killed her father. The father that hurt her and her mother. Her head started to throb and she tried to breathe in and out slowly. Looking out window, trying to find anything that would take her mind off of what was to come. When the taxi slowed to a stop she realized that she had drifted off to sleep. She looked up at her mother's house, which was situated like most San Francisco houses, on a hill with stairs leading up to the house. She followed the cab driver to the rear of the cab and grabbed her suitcases. She handed the cabbie some money and thanked him. He drove off and she looked up at the house. The stairs seemed to go on forever. Sara closed her eyes and forced the bile threatening to rise, back down into her stomach. She breathed in and out, in and out. Each step she took she wanted to take two steps back. She wanted to run down those steps and run down the street. Away from this place.

"Breathe, Sara…Breathe." She heard Greg's voice in her head as she reached the porch.

Setting her bags down she clenched her hands together; they were sweating. She didn't know what her mother's reaction would be; she didn't know what _her _reaction would be. Sara raised her hand to knock on the door when it suddenly whipped open. There standing in the door way was Laura Sidle, tall, bohemian with long flowing curly hair. An obvious example of where Sara got her looks.

"Mom?" Sara whispered.

"Oh Sara!" her mother said, flying towards her with arms wide.

Sara dropped her bags and embraced her mom, the tears of years past finally flowing. They stood there on the porch crying together. Wondering about their futures, forgetting their pasts and moving on together.

**TBC Hope you guys like!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: For anyone still reading this piece of crap, get ready for a bombshell. Thanks for those who are still reading it and reviewing. No Beta, all mistakes are mine.**

* * *

"Do you want sugar in your tea?" Laura Sidle called from the kitchen.

"Um…sure." Sara answered nervously from the living room off of the kitchen.

"It's really a beautiful day isn't it?" Laura said, walking into the living room with a tray of tea and cakes.

"Yeah." Sara said weakly, looking out the window.

Laura served her daughter her tea and they sat silently sipping it. It wasn't an awkward silence; it was a silence that comes when someone is thinking. They both had so much to say and yet, they didn't know where to start.

"So what are you doing now?" Laura Sidle asked.

"I am a CSI at the Vegas Crime Lab."

"Sounds fun."

"I guess so." Sara said, sipping her tea.

"So, um…what brought you here? After all these years?" Laura asked.

Sara took another sip of her tea and closed her eyes as she breathed in the steam. She looked up at her mother and tried to hide the hurt in her face. But from the expression on her mother's face, she wasn't hiding it very well.

"I'm tired of living day by day, struggling to forget my past. I just want to move on…" Sara said, bowing her head and fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.

"What happened?" Laura asked.

"Well, where to start. I pulled a gun on my boss, I hit a co-worker and I'm most likely out of a job."

Laura sat staring at Sara, her face full of shock. The one thing she did to protect her daughter, was the one thing that is making her fall apart.

"You have to understand Sara, I did it for you! I killed him to protect you!" Laura pleaded.

"And look at me now." Sara sighed.

"I thought you had just forgotten, erased it from your memory. You never wrote me, you never visited me. I thought you had moved on."

"I was thirteen! Don't you think something like that would be branded into my memory!" Sara screamed, setting down her tea.

"I just thought…it was…I had to do it Sara! He was going to kill us!" Laura screamed back.

Tears streamed down Sara's face. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to fight and she didn't want to yell. This is what she grew up with. She just wanted to move on, to forget everything. To find some way to suppress these feelings, this anger that bubbled up inside her.

"Sara, he killed your baby sister." Laura said suddenly.

Sara looked up confused.

"What?"

"I was pregnant when we took that first trip to the hospital remember? Your father had hit me and I was scared for the baby so we went to the hospital when he was sleeping."

"I don't remember."

Laura Sidle sighed, looking down into her tea, the liquid cooled by falling tears.

"Well it was a huge mistake on my part. When we got home he was awake."

"And…" Sara said, taking in a deep breath

"Well, he threw me so hard across the room that I miscarried. He killed your sister. "

Laura wiped a tear from her face.

"There was blood everywhere. He made me clean it up. That bastard made me clean it up. It just got worse from there, leading up…up…to...you know." Laura sobbed into her hands and Sara sat uncomfortably across from her.

"I know how you feel." Sara said sharply.

"How could you… possibly…" Laura shot a raised eyebrow at Sara and Sara promptly dropped her head.

Sara cried softly for her sister and for her own child. The one she never knew.

"I was pregnant." Sara whispered.

"And you lost the baby?" Laura asked.

"Yes." Sara said, wiping the tears from her cheek.

"I never told anyone but you and honestly, I don't know why I'm telling you." Sara said, lifting her tear filled eyes towards her mother.

"You can tell me, I'm here. I'm here now for all those years I wasn't."

Sara sniffled back tears.

"I was dating this man, Hank, and I found out that he was just using me, he was using me to cheat on his girlfriend. " Sara laughed.

"I was so unbelievably stupid. I don't know how I couldn't have seen. But the day after I broke up with him I found out I was pregnant. I never told him."

"Then what?" Laura asked, placing her hand on her daughter's hand and Sara shuddered, looking down at her mother's hand.

"I was about eleven weeks into my first trimester, I still hadn't told anyone I could barely believe it myself. There was an uh…an explosion at the lab, I…I had no idea what was going on. I was in the vicinity of the blast, I was thrown…many feet. Then the spotting came, I had lost the baby. I felt relived in my mind, but in my heart I felt a hole. I knew there would always be that hole, I knew that nothing could ever fill the void." Sara sobbed into her hands.

Laura stood up and went to her daughter, wrapping her hands around her and hugging her tight.

"No! Stop!" Sara said, pulling away. "This is too much."

Sara shot up and walked to the door.

"I'm sorry, this is just too much too soon." Sara said before grabbing her purse and opening the door.

She smiled at her mother who was now standing, looking at her daughter.

"Don't worry about me." Sara said before disappearing out the door.

With the slamming of the door, Sara ran down the steps and down the street, clutching her purse. She stopped when she was safely out of view from her mother's house and breathed heavily in and out. She didn't know why she even decided to come here, the memories stung her and she couldn't figure out why she even bought that ticket. Her mind was racing and she needed to sit down. She walked to a trolley car that was loading and unloading passengers. When she was little, her mom would take her into the city sometimes and they would ride the trolley cars together. All day they would ride them, sitting watching people, eating candied apples.

Sara rode the trolley car until the sun fell to the horizon and cast an orange glow on the city. Sara tried to ignore all the commotion around her, the honking of the horns, and the squawking of the birds, she just focused on sitting, on thinking. She thought about her mom, about her father, about her child that never was, and the life, or lack thereof that waited for her in Vegas. She knew that Ecklie was doing everything in his power to cut her lose and she didn't blame him. She blamed herself. She hopped off the trolley somewhere near Fisherman's Warf. An abundance of activity surrounded her, vendors shoving things in her face for her to buy, the smell of clam chowder played about her nose. Sara found a bench overlooking the bay and she sat down. Closing her eyes, she absorbed the last few rays of the sun. Her eyes shot open when she felt a vibrating on her thigh. Sara sighed and reached for her cell phone, flipping it open.

"Sidle." She said instinctively.

"Sara?" Grissom said on the other line.

"What do you want?" She said, her tone changing fast.

"I was just worried."

"Well yeah, isn't everyone." Sara said.

"Sara, I just want you to know, that I'm sorry about the way things turned out."

Sara sighed and stood up, walking to the edge of the pier and looking off into the ocean.

"I'm sure you are sorry. But that doesn't matter Grissom. Not anymore."

"Sara please, I didn't want any of this to happen! I was just scared! I was a coward! I still am! Just listen to me; I extended a dinner invitation to Sophia as a professional courtesy, nothing more. I didn't kiss her…she kissed me."

"That's what they all say." Sara said, shuttered at the thought of that woman's lips on Grissom's.

"Sara I…I…"

"No! Grissom just stop talking. Please. If you keep talking you're going to work your way into my heart…" She sighed, "Again…and I don't want you anywhere near my heart."

With that she flipped her phone shut and sighed before throwing it into the ocean. She closed her eyes and let a few tears fall. She wanted to believe that she could move on without Grissom, she wanted to believe that she didn't need him. But deep down she knew she did.

"You just threw your phone into the Pacific." A man said behind her.

Shit. It was Grissom.

"Yeah I guess I did." Sara said without turning around.

Grissom walked up beside her and leaned over the edge, looking at the waves as they crashed onto the pier. He didn't know where to start; he didn't know what to say.

"Greg?" She asked, wiping her tears away so Grissom didn't see them.

"Yeah." Grissom responded, already knowing her question.

"Any news on my job?"

"No. I had a meeting with Ecklie. He wants to fire you."

"I figured as much." She sighed.

Sara turned around and faced Grissom.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"Same reason you are." He smiled.

"And what reason is that?"

"To move on. To forget my past, to begin my future." Grissom said, placing his hand on Sara's hand.

"To begin my future, with or without you Sara. I much rather begin it with you."

Sara looked up at Grissom, tears in her eyes and she let out a weak smile.

"I know I hurt you so much, and I'll spend the rest of my days making it up to you." He said, pulling Sara into an embrace.

She resisted at first but melted into his arms, a perfect fit. She didn't cry, she didn't smile she just breathed deeply. Soaking up everything from that moment. She knew her life was about to change, and she didn't need anyone to tell her that.

**The End.**

I was reading today and I thought this would be a perfect place to end it. I don't have inspiration to continue, let alone the time to write.Grissom and Sara get married, have lots of babies and lead the Las Vegas Crime Lab together as a crime fighting duo. Hehe. I hope you liked. Thanks for reading.


End file.
